


Object Lesson

by rinwins



Category: Blake's 7
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, Surprise Pairing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-25
Updated: 2012-08-25
Packaged: 2017-11-12 21:17:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/495742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rinwins/pseuds/rinwins
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Liberator passes through the orbit of Athon Beta, a planet whose psychic radiation has some unexpected results. Or, whatever became of that Sopron rock? (Set sometime in S3 after 3x5, 'The Harvest of Kairos'.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Object Lesson

Cally edged forward around the front control console. Someone- or something- was rattling around under Zen’s analysis dome. She spared a brief moment to wish she had thought to pick up a gun.

In the next moment, she came the rest of the way around the console, and laughed. That was a side of Avon she didn’t get to see very often.

“Looking for something?” she said.

Avon stood up and leveled one of his patented glares at her. “No, I’m doing my morning exercises.”

“Maybe I can help you search,” Cally replied, meeting his glare with a calm smile. “What did you lose?”

“The Sopron rock,” said Avon. “It’s gone.”

“Where did you last have it?”

Another glare. “If I remembered that, I wouldn’t still be looking for it, would I?”

Understanding dawned on Cally. “The psychic interference from Athon Beta,” she said. “It’s starting to affect short-term memory.”

Avon frowned, walking over to his station to inspect the readings there. “I’ll be glad when we’re out of range.”

“We all will,” Cally said.

“That’s easy for you to say,” said Avon, looking up at her again. “It doesn’t affect you.”

Cally leaned against the console, considering. “I’m not so sure,” she said quietly. “I can’t find my moondisc. But it’s strange,” she added, “in everything I’ve read about Athon radiation, I’ve never heard of it causing people to- misplace things.”

“There’s another explanation.” Avon lowered his voice. “Someone on this ship is using the psychic interference as a cover to steal from us.”

“But- a Sopron rock and a moondisc? What would someone want with those?”

“I don’t know,” said Avon. “We’ll have to make Vila tell us.”

“You don’t _know_ it’s Vila,” Cally argued, following Avon toward the door. “You don’t even know that’s what’s happening.”

Avon was forestalled in his response by the sound of Zen’s speech circuit coming on. “Information,” said the computer. “The ship is now in stationary orbit around Athon Beta.”

“ _What_ _?_ ” Avon snapped, turning on his heel. “Zen, who gave orders to orbit the planet?”

Zen hummed, gold lights flashing. “That information is-“

“-not available,” Avon finished, along with the computer’s voice. “Somehow I’m not surprised.”

The communicator next to the couch chimed, displaying a finely-tuned sense of timing. “Bridge,” said Dayna’s voice, “is anyone there?”

Cally hit the relevant button. “There’s a bit of a situation developing here, Dayna,” she said.

“There’s one here too,” Dayna’s voice replied. “Someone’s just gone through the teleport.”

Cally looked at Avon. Avon looked at Cally. Both of them ran for the door.

\--- 

In the teleport room, they found Tarrant investigating the controls, while Dayna covered the opposite corridor. “So it was Vila,” Avon said. “Where has he gone?”

Tarrant looked up. “Down to the planet-”

“Obviously,” said Avon. “You and Dayna, search the ship. Find out what else he’s taken. Cally, trace the teleport coordinates.”

“Sorry,” Tarrant said, “what _else_ he’s taken?”

“In addition,” said Avon, “to Cally’s moondisc and my Sopron rock.”

“But that doesn’t make sense,” Dayna chimed in. “What would Vila want with those?”

“What would I want with what?” said Vila.

Everyone spun around.

“Not that I’m one to complain if people want to give me things,” Vila continued, gesturing with the mostly-empty glass in his hand, “but if they’re dangerous things, I’ll give it a miss, if it’s all the same.”

Everyone stared.

“But if you’re _here_ -” Tarrant started.

“Then who,” Avon finished, “teleported down to the surface of the planet?”

Everyone looked at each other. Then Avon snapped his fingers.

“ORAC,” he said, and strode out.

“Hey,” said Vila, “is anyone going to tell me what’s going on?”

Out of instinct, everyone followed Avon out. “Probably not,” said Dayna, as they went.

“Great,” Vila sighed, “that’s really useful, thanks a lot.”

\---

ORAC was in the lab, flashing a light or so and whirring quietly to itself. Someone had left it on. It might have been the Athon radiation affecting her mind at last, but Cally thought the tone of the whirring changed slightly when all five of them came crashing in.

“I resent this intrusion,” ORAC said, before any of them could get a word out. “I am attempting to correlate as much information about Athon radiation as possible while we are still within its influence. One interruption is quite enough.”

“Shut up, ORAC,” Vila said automatically. Dayna kicked him in the ankle.

“ORAC,” said Avon, “who did you teleport to the surface of the planet?”

“No one.”

“But you said there had been one interruption.”

“I did,” said ORAC, “and I said it was quite enough.”

“So you did operate the teleport,” Avon persisted, ignoring the second half of the sentence.

“That is correct.”

“Then who,” said Avon, between gritted teeth, “was in it?”

ORAC made a noise that was patently not a sigh, but might as well have been. “This line of enquiry is pointless,” it said. “All members of the crew remain on board. Simple logic should dictate the solution.”

“Listen, ORAC,” Vila said, “for someone who claims not to have much time, you’re wasting rather a lot of it.”

The lights flashed, and ORAC made the not-a-sigh noise again. “The question you should ask,” it said, with exaggerated patience, “is not _who_ but _what_.”

“What?” said Avon.

“Precisely,” said ORAC.

“ORAC, if you do not start making sense-”

“I operated the teleport,” ORAC said, “at the request of the moondisc.”

Everyone stared at it. Cally felt they had all been doing rather a lot of staring lately. “The _moondisc_?” she said. “Why? And _how_ _?_ ”

“It would appear that Athon radiation greatly increased the moondisc’s telepathic abilities,” said ORAC, “to the point where it was capable of communication and increased mobility. It instructed Zen to orbit the planet and me to operate the teleport. Presumably it wished to retain the benefits of the radiation. I am now trying to determine whether these effects are an anomaly or a species characteristic.”

“It could have asked me,” Cally murmured. “There was no need to sneak away. Still,” she added, “at least we know the Athon radiation wasn’t making us lose things.”

“But we still haven’t accounted for the Sopron rock,” Dayna pointed out.

“The Sopron rock,” ORAC said, with a whirr that they would all swear later sounded self-satisfied, “was also in the teleport.”

Vila rolled his eyes. “Oh, come on, you can’t tell us the radiation gave a _rock_ telepathic powers.”

“Indeed not,” said ORAC. “What a ridiculous proposition. The moondisc simply brought it along.”

There was one more round of staring.

“It looked at the Sopron,” Cally said, “and saw another telepath-”

“-with similarly enhanced abilities,” Avon finished.

“Cally,” Dayna said, restraining a giggle, “I think your pet eloped with Avon’s pet.”

“So what does that make you two, then?” said Tarrant. “In-laws?”

Avon glowered. “Oh, shut up, both of you,” he said.

“ _All_ of you, shut up,” said ORAC, “and go away. The ship is now leaving orbit and I have limited time in which to complete my research.”

As they filed out of the lab, Vila cracked a grin.

“Awfully rude of them not to invite you two to the wedding, though.”


End file.
